in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
