Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
