I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize