Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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