According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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