I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
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The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
