I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
