My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
