I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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