Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
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So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
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Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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