Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
