Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Randomize
