You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
