Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Sober January is a disaster.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
