am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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