I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I can't put those talents on a resume
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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