were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
