Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
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I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
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The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!