my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick