let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He is an equal opportunity slut.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better