I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.