so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
