blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
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you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
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Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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