my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
