It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
