4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
