They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
