people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
