I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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