That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You're like the curious george of whores
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
