I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
