shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
