Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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