I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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