Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
