Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
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I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
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All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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