I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
