The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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