why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
