I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
