I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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