are you still at the devil's house?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
