Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
