I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize