I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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