you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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