I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
