Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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