my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
