And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
