Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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