Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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