i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
