she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
And then he peed in my hair
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
