you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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