What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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