i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
