If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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