She's like a pop up book from hell.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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