I'm gonna have a badass scar
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
