I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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