the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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