I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
