I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
