I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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