you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
