i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
