so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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