he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
